Heart to heart: Parent conversations: How can I help my son grow into a godly man?
How can I help my son grow into a godly man?
This month Rob Guenther writes about one of parenting’s essential questions—at least for those of us with boys. How can we help our sons grow into godly men?
Guenther wrestled with this question and came up with a plan to help prepare his son for manhood. Read on to see what the “Man-up challenge” was all about, how you can adapt the challenge for your family, and how it really applies to all Christians.
Do you have advice to share? We’d love to hear from you! Share your perspectives on being a godly man—or woman.
“What does it mean to be a man?” That question ran through my mind as I considered that this might be my last year to have much influence on my oldest son, Josiah. Living in Alaska, my wife and I planned to send Josiah to Luther Preparatory School in Watertown, Wis., for high school. And that meant that his eighth-grade year was his last year at home. So, here’s what I proposed to Josiah: “Let’s challenge each other to ‘man up’ in three areas of life. Let’s grow stronger physically, mentally, and especially spiritually so that, with our strength, we can help those weaker than us (physically, mentally, and spiritually) to show our thanks to Jesus.”
That became the beginning of the “Man-up challenge” for Josiah and me. So, what did the “Man-up challenge” look like? We discussed it and agreed that we would take Saturdays and Sundays off (or use them to “catch up” where we fell behind), but each weekday we would do push-ups (starting with one on the first day of school, doing two on the second day, etc. until we reached 100 push-ups per day), read a few pages of a book that would help us become lifelong learners (hoping to work through one book a month for ten months), and read a chapter of our Bibles (it just so happens that there are 260 chapters in the New Testament and almost exactly the same number of weekdays in a year). We printed out monthly charts that we could “check off” when we met the challenge for the day. And we left Saturday and Sunday to make up what we missed.
At the start of the school year, we both struggled with 20 pushups. At the end of the school year, we could consistently do 100 pushups (sets of 25 four times a day), felt leaner and stronger, had some great discussions on what it means to be a godly man (looking for that theme in the books we read and especially in the New Testament), and grew in our relationship and in our faith.
I asked Josiah what he learned over the course of the year and wasn’t surprised to hear him say: “I learned it was tough to keep our commitment. And I learned it was way easier when you pushed me to do it.” That’s what I learned too.
Lesson #1: We need each other. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9,10).
There were many days that I really didn’t feel like doing any more push-ups. But I knew that as soon as he got home from school, Josiah was sure to ask, “How many push-ups have you done so far today, Dad?” And I didn’t want to let him down by saying, “Zero.” So I got to it and did a set or two. Likewise, there were plenty of days that Josiah didn’t want to read a chapter of a book on church history I had chosen. But he knew I was going to nag . . . er . . . encourage him when I found out he had skipped two days in a row. We had to encourage each other along the way.
And that’s not just true of a “Man-up challenge.” It’s true in life. There are times that I need a brother in the faith to pull me aside and lovingly rebuke me and offer a word of encouragement. It is so hard to preach the law to yourself, perhaps even more difficult to preach the gospel to yourself. We need each other. We need to cultivate close friendships with other Christians who will hold us accountable, lovingly tell us when we’re doing something stupid, or encourage us to keep going when we’re ready to give up.
Lesson #2: We need more than each other. “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24,25).
As we made our challenge known to other men in the congregation, they too would hold us accountable in their own way. They wouldn’t nag us but would occasionally ask, “How’s the challenge going?” or “How many push-ups are you up to today?” or “How far into the New Testament have you made it?” This not only encouraged us to keep going, but it also encouraged them. Some joined us in reading their Bibles. Others tried the push-ups themselves. It became a bit contagious.
But then, some of the men of the congregation got involved directly in our challenge. “Your son needs to learn how to change the oil in a car. I know you can’t do that, Pastor. So come over on Saturday. I’ll show you both how.” “I’ll teach you how to operate a chainsaw, Pastor, so you can teach your boys.” It takes a village to raise a child. And I am very thankful for the godly men in our church who taught my boys some life skills, but even more so, who modeled a humble and quiet confidence in God’s promises and a willingness to serve others in thanks.
And this is true not just in a “Man-up challenge,” but also in life. God puts us together in communities, in the body of believers, where some are gifted with some skills and others have gifts in different areas. We all need one another. And what better place to find that community than in the church. Of course we need to go to church to hear the Word and receive the Sacrament. But we also need it to spur one another on and to encourage one another in our faith and in our life.
Lesson #3: We need forgiveness. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
We didn’t always do well. A day off of school, a busy week in Lent, or a week of tests would break the routine, and no push-ups or reading would be done. When we fell too far behind to catch up (400 push-ups is a lot to do on a Sunday afternoon!), we would declare a “Day of Jubilee” where all debts were canceled. We’d do a “reset” and start over on Monday, forgiving all the times we missed.
We didn’t do the “Man-up challenge” perfectly, but when we failed, we owned it, we gave and received forgiveness, and we started all over again. And each time we reset, we did a little bit better than we did the last time. While it wasn’t a perfect run, we are both better—stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually—having made the attempt.
Of course, this too is a lesson for life. We need forgiveness. Often. We need a regular reminder of what our Savior has done to win that forgiveness. But that forgiveness isn’t a license to wallow in our sin. It frees us to get back up and try again . . . and again . . . and again. And when we mess up—and we will—we go back to the cross to find forgiveness and the strength to give forgiveness. And that forgiveness drives us to try again to live for him with all that we are—body, mind, and spirit.
Lesson #4: Celebrate the success! “The whole company that had returned from exile built temporary shelters and lived in them. From the days of Joshua son of Nun until that day, the Israelites had not celebrated it like this. And their joy was very great” (Nehemiah 8:17).
When the challenge was over, Josiah and I hiked to the top of a mountain. At the top, even though we were already tired from the hike, we “manned up” and each did 100 more push-ups. We talked about the lessons that we learned during the “Man-up challenge,” the things we wanted to continue, the things we’d try to do better.
At the top of the mountain, I then presented him with a set of printed “dog tags” that reminded him that he would always be loved—by me, but more important, by God. I gave him a copy of a book that I’d been editing over the course of the year—a book written by the godly men in his life—church members, uncles and grandparents, teachers, and strangers that he’d never met but who helped me to “man up.” They all shared their thoughts on what it means to be a Christian man and gave their advice to Josiah.
We descended the mountain and continued the conversation over lunch to conclude our celebration. And with a sense of accomplishment, we gave thanks to God for helping us grow as men.
We still have a lot of manning up to do—both of us. But we’re on the right track. And with God’s help, we’ll continue to grow stronger—mentally, physically, and spiritually—that we might better help others in thanks to God for all he’s done for us.
To read a compilation of the advice Guenther received for his son, check out Man Up, Josiah! Advice on Being a Godly Man at amazon.com.
Rob Guenther and his wife, Becky, are raising four boys. They recently moved from Kenai, Alaska, to New Ulm, Minnesota.
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Author: Multiple Authors
Volume 105, Number 11
Issue: November 2018
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