Living arrangements before marriage
My boyfriend and I are planning to get married. He grew up Catholic but wants to become a WELS Lutheran like myself. We recently accepted a job together and the housing where the job is runs a little high. Is it okay to live together, in separate bedrooms, before we get married in the church?
The situation you describe is not okay. Allow me to explain why.
Rather than distancing yourself from temptations to engage in premarital sexual activity (1 Corinthians 6:18), by living together you would be putting those temptations in front of you and your boyfriend every day. If you think you would be able to withstand those temptations, Scripture offers a warning (1 Corinthians 10:12).
Even if you did refrain from sexual activity in a live-in situation, you would have to ask yourself if your life were in line with the admonition that “among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3). Two people of the opposite sex living together create more than a hint.
In addition to thinking about yourself and your boyfriend, I encourage you to think of others. Have you taken into account what your parents think of this? While the fourth commandment changes in scope as parents and children grow older, the fourth commandment never disappears. Have you thought of how your actions might affect other family members, friends and acquaintances? Might your actions cause them to stumble spiritually (Matthew 18:6-7) and perhaps embolden others to follow your example? Love for God certainly drives our desire to live godly lives. Love for others is another strong motivator.
I certainly do not have full knowledge of your situation and what other options for living arrangements you and your boyfriend might have. I encourage you to explore them. While financial considerations figure prominently in your question, I would remind you that God can have an entirely different economic system in taking care of his children (Matthew 6:33). We can do the right thing and trust that God will take care of us.
It is good to read that you and your boyfriend have thoughts of being one in the faith. You could be a real blessing to your boyfriend by explaining to him how maintaining separate living quarters at this stage of your life fits in with holy living (Romans 12:1). Let your light shine for him and others (Matthew 5:16).
As I do with so many questions, I’ll wind up my response to you by encouraging you to speak to your pastor about this. Don’t feel that this is a subject you can’t address with him. He would be happy to provide scriptural guidance. God bless you.