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How do I respond to a family member's gay wedding invite?

The Bible tells us to speak the truth, but to do so in love. These two things go together. Speaking truth without love falls short of what God wants us to do. Having love for someone without speaking the truth sets aside what God has told us to do.

God teaches us that he established marriage as a union of one man and one woman. He also clearly warns against any sexual activity outside of this relationship and identifies it as sinful.

In this particular situation, it would seem you would not want your family member to conclude that you are supportive of, or at least tolerant of, same-sex marriage. As a Christian, you would want to give a clear testimony to what you believe. You would want to “speak the truth” by not attending.

At the same time, you would also want to show love for your family member. It would not be loving simply to decline the invitation and say nothing. Love for your family member would move you to talk to him or her. You could say something like, “I won’t be able to attend the ceremony, and here’s why. It’s not that I don’t love you. Rather, it’s precisely because I love you that I can’t attend. You are doing something that is not in keeping with God’s will, and I am concerned about your spiritual welfare and your soul. I can’t in good conscience do something that would lead you to believe that what you are doing is OK. Please see my decision not to attend for what it is: my desire to speak the truth to someone I love.”

The key is using Christian discernment to seek what’s best for the spiritual interest of your family member yet also gives clear testimony to what you believe, especially if attending the ceremony gives others in attendance the impression that you support your family member’s action.

It’s not always easy, but God calls on us to speak the truth in love.

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Discipleship and Giving Up Everything

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Jesus gave up EVERYTHING for us. Jesus also asked his disciples to give up EVERYTHING, even their families and they did. What does that mean for those that are “believers” that don’t give EVERYTHING? Jesus himself said, for those that don’t give EVERYTHING cannot be my disciple. I don’t know a single WELS believer or anyone from any denomination that has done this. Thanks and keep up the good work. I read Q & A often!

Answer:

I understand your question to be referencing Luke 14:33 – “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”  If that verse were simply isolated and pulled out of context, it would look like we all need to live ascetic lives in order to be disciples of Christ.  However, the words at the beginning of the verse (“In the same way,”) instruct us to understand this verse in light of the verses that precede.

In the verses that precede, Jesus spoke to people about the difference between following him physically and following him in faith.  Following him in faith means putting him first and being ready to give up whatever interferes with that course of action.  In the preceding verses Jesus spoke of loving family members less than they love him (“hating” them in that sense).  He spoke of suffering in his name (carrying the cross).  He used the illustrations of a building project and a military campaign to highlight the high cost of following him.

With that background, Jesus gave the instruction in the verse you referenced.  When understood in context, it is not a command to live a life of poverty.  Scripture rather instructs us to use our possessions to support the work of the church (2 Corinthians 9:7 ), to provide for the needs of our family (1 Timothy 5:8), to pay taxes and support the government (Romans 13), and to help those in need (1 John 3:17).  When understood in context, Jesus’ instruction is a call to follow him in faith without being sidetracked by anything or anyone in this world.  With that understanding, now you do know believers who can be associated with this Bible passage!

(And thank you for your encouraging words.)

Answered by James Pope, professor at Martin Luther College, New Ulm, Minn. Pope is a contributing editor to Forward in Christ magazine. He writes the monthly “Light for our path” question and answer column.