Marriage and children

My husband is set on having at least one child, but I'm sure I don't want to be a mother. This has caused us a lot of turmoil in our marriage since our pastors taught us in our pre-marriage counseling that we should be fruitful. Can we, in good conscience, decide that we don't want children?

At two points in the history of the world God spoke to people and instructed them to “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28; 9:1,7).  It was to Adam and Eve and also to Noah and his family that God gave those instructions.  It is important to recognize how God prefaced those instructions.  To both sets of people, God “blessed them.”  That sets the tone for a biblical view of children:  they are blessings from God.

In Psalm 127:3-5 King Solomon described children as blessings:  “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”

The language of the Bible is that children are blessings from God.  God wants husbands and wives to look upon children as blessings.  Not inconveniences on a lifestyle.  Not drains on personal income.  Not barriers to career goals.  Blessings.  If husbands and wives do not wish to receive these blessings from God, they will need to examine their motives.  Are their motives good and godly?  Are their motives in line with God’s word?  These are questions that husbands and wives need to address, and answer in unison.

Your answers to those questions are not available to me, so to prevent any more “turmoil” in your marriage, I would encourage you and your husband to speak with your pastors, since they were involved in your pre-marital counseling.  They are in a position to explain and clarify the scriptural guidance they provided before your wedding.

May God grant you and your husband peace, unity and steadfast love as you work through this important matter.