Joining another denomination to support my future husband
I am about as WELS as you can get in my generation, on the older end of "millennials." I attended a WELS grade school, and have regularly attended WELS churches my entire life. However, in a couple months' time, I will be marrying a man of another denomination, and who is currently in seminary school to become a pastor in that denomination. It is a Christian denomination that teaches the saving faith in Christ alone, yet its doctrine can be described as on shifting sand. My fiance is more faithful to Christ than any man I've ever met. He is conservative, and our views largely align - and even most doctrinal views align. It has been difficult, but I do plan to convert from the WELS to his denomination. However, my heart is with the WELS, because it is through its pastors and teachers that I know of Christ's saving faith. I will always be Lutheran at heart, but more importantly I will always be a Christian at heart. Is it wrong to convert because I do not fully adhere to the doctrine of my future husband's denomination? I want to convert, because I want support him in the church, and I pray that I will be more of Christ's tool in his denomination because of the firm foundation that the WELS has given me. But an even deeper question presents, does converting essentially slap the vow I made at confirmation in the face? I identify as a Wisconsin Synod Lutheran, but first I am a Christian, who believes in the Triune God and who wants to fully support my soon-to-be-husband as I've seen so many WELS pastors' wives do throughout my life. Any insight into my difficult situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
I agree that you are in a challenging situation. Since I do not know with which denomination you are thinking of affiliating, I cannot speak about the steps you would take to join a congregation of that denomination or what the process is like.
On the other hand, you and I do know what happens when people desire to become communicant members of our churches. In the case of confirmation, people state publicly that the teachings they have learned from the Bible are true. In the case of people joining one of our congregations by the route of profession of faith or affirmation of faith, people declare that the teachings of the church as presented to them are biblical and that the teachings reflect their faith. Through these routes that people take to become communicant members of our churches, their membership is a public confession of their faith to other people; their membership implies that their faith is aligned with the teachings of the church to which they belong. Church membership is important because it is a tangible way of doing what Jesus said: “acknowledging him before others” (Matthew 10:32).
When people have membership in a church but have personal beliefs that differ from that church, they send inconsistent messages: the person’s confession of faith says one thing, but the person’s membership in a church says something else (that he or she believes what the church teaches).
With your situation, you have told me that your faith represents the teachings of WELS from Scripture. To join a congregation in a denomination that has its doctrine on “shifting sand” would send the signal to others that your faith embraces the doctrine of that church. There would be inconsistency in the confessions of faith you would be making—personally and through your membership.
As the vows for confirmation are not necessarily identical in all our churches, I am not sure what the specific wording was for your vows. Generally, confirmands declare their acceptance of the canonical books of the Bible; they promise, with God’s help and strength, to remain strong in the confession of the Evangelical Lutheran Church; and, they state their intention, also with God’s help and strength, to live a Christian life and to use faithfully the means of grace to remain a life-long child of God. Joining a denomination with doctrine based on “shifting sand” would imply that a person has embraced the confession of that church.
I understand that it is your desire to support your husband and his future ministry that is the driving force to join his denomination. I imagine you need to ask yourself what level of support will be offered if your personal confession of faith does not match the confession of faith stated by your church membership. Will doctrinal differences be disruptive rather than supportive in your family life or your congregational life? I realize the same question could be asked if you marry and retain your WELS membership. This is why I began my response by acknowledging your challenging situation.
I trust you have spoken to your parents about this and your fiancé has done the same with his parents. I trust also you are sorting out all this with your conscience in mind. If you haven’t already done so, do speak to your WELS pastor about your situation. He is in a much better position than I to offer specific help, but I hope I have at least provided the requested insight. God bless you.