Favoritism with children

Can you give my some guidance on what the Bible says about a parent who favors one child over the other? My husband has an obvious favorite in our three children and it really bothers me. I feel like he is greatly discouraging our other two children.

I grieve over your concern and can imagine how unsettled you must be as a Christian parent who seeks only the best for your husband and children.

Based on your question, I will have to assume that (1) your husband really is showing favoritism with your children and this is not just your imagination, (2) your husband is aware that you observe and disapprove of this (rather than his being clueless or utterly ignorant about what’s happening or how it’s happening), and (3) he is your Christian brother as well as your husband, that is, Bible guidance will be meaningful to him.

You could give Bible examples of favoritism (like Jacob favoring Rachel over Leah or Joseph and Benjamin over their siblings) and show how this never results in healthy family relationships. It asks for trouble and is pretty sure to get trouble. But this approach doesn’t bring the power to change hearts, since it is basically a law approach rather than a gospel one.

I recommend that you point your husband repeatedly to the attitude and actions of his dear heavenly Father and Lord Jesus. Such love! Such a gracious Giver of every good gift. And your husband is on the receiving end of all that. No more and no less than anyone else, “for God so loved the world . . .” And your husband’s high calling in Christ is to imitate God (Ephesians 5:1-2), to be more and more like Jesus (Romans 8:29). And God shows no favoritism (Acts 10:34, Romans 2:11, etc.). The hope is that your husband will grow in his understanding and appreciation of all that God has done to redeem him graciously and pardon him freely. And that he will be led to be more and more like God, in rejecting partiality and favoritism as inconsistent with Christian lifestyle as well as wise parenting.

Also, keep pointing your children to the same grand truths. This applies to them too. As they grow and mature they will increasingly find that their highest security and emotional balance will rest on the unmovable promises of a faithful God who delights in them even when earthly representatives may fail them.