Dealing with past sin
My boyfriend, a Lutheran convert, is not a virgin and I am. I’ve been struggling with this on and off for the duration of our relationship. He was very open, honest, and straightforward about his past, acknowledging his sin, his guilt, and his repentance from the very beginning of our courtship, in efforts to maintain transparency. I was surprised, and did not expect it, but I was/am appreciative of his honesty and told him so. I also explained to him that am forgiving of him and his past as modeled in the 5th petition of the Lord’s Prayer. We both value and recognize the importance of maintaining a sexually pure relationship and honoring the 6th Commandment. We have had many conversations about maintaining an appropriate level of ethical premarital activity and agree we will abstain from premarital sex. My struggle comes when I think about his past intimacy with the other women he’s slept with. I realize sex is a gift God grants to a husband and a wife, it is a union of persons, and that it should be protected from being cheapened. It really upsets me to think that if/when we get married, that it no longer has the value that it did. I’m bothered by the memories of others, and I’m insecure because of the inevitable comparison to the past. I mostly feel hurt in a way that words cannot describe. I know he loves me, and he loves God. I know he is remorseful of his transgressions and would change the past if he could. But I don’t know how to find peace and put this out of my mind.
There is no question in your words for me to address, but I can attempt to offer a brief response.
From what I read, your boyfriend has confessed his sin and received the forgiveness of sins through faith. You also have expressed a forgiving attitude toward him. I commend you for that.
Your reference to the Lord’s Prayer is good and very applicable: as we have been forgiven, so we forgive others. When God forgives, he forgets (Jeremiah 31:34). We can forgive, but the memories of others’ sins can linger in our minds. Our goal is to be more like God in forgetting the sins of others.
Without having any further information, your self-assessment of insecurity sounds plausible to me. Addressing this in a face-to-face conversation with your pastor or other trusted counselor would be the best approach. If you are not able to speak to your pastor about this, Christian Family Solutions, a WELS-affiliated ministry, offers in-person and video counseling.
What will be helpful is remembering to view your boyfriend and yourself as redeemed children of God (Galatians 4:4-5; 1 John 3:1). God has determined your worth: you are precious in his sight (Isaiah 43:4). God bless you and your boyfriend.