Application of the fourth commandment

Our Catechism explains that, according to the fourth commandment, “We should fear and love God that we do not dishonor or anger our parents and others in authority, but honor, serve, and obey them, and give them love and respect.” That explanation is based on Scripture passages like Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 6:3.

The fourth commandment teaches that God places representatives over us in the areas of the home, the government and the church. That arrangement is intended to be for our good. It goes without saying that those who represent God in those areas might do well in representing him, or they might fail in representing him accurately. Your question indicates that your friend’s parents failed at representing God faithfully.

So what is she to do? While her parents are still in a position of honor and respect because of the fourth commandment, their past actions have done much to destroy trust and greatly reduce respect. I would encourage your friend to call her parents to repentance. Her parents need to hear how they violated God’s law. They need to hear about the appropriate follow-up topics of confession of sins, absolution and the fruits of repentance.

I would also encourage your friend not to harbor any personal animosity toward her parents (Ephesians 4:26, 31) and to let go of any other attitudes that are dangerous to her own spiritual life (Matthew 6:14-15). Your friend needs to put her parents’ situation in God’s hands.

Finally, I would encourage your friend to seek Christian counseling. Her pastor can help and also direct her to appropriate resources. God bless your service of Christian love to your friend.