Martin Luther’s confidential counsel to Philip of Hesse is not one with which we can agree. While that counsel was consistent with what he had written in “The Babylonian Captivity of the Church,” it is an example of confessional Lutherans today not endorsing everything Martin Luther wrote or did.

Because the matter was intended to remain confidential, it is a matter of speculation to try to identify Luther’s motives. If the motive was to further the cause of the Reformation, that goal was not immediately successful because the fallout of the bigamous relationship brought criticism for Luther and hardships for Philipp of Hesse; Philip soon lost his influence as leader of the Smalcald League. If the motive was pastoral concern—as most believe—then the confidential advice was simply intended to address a complicated situation.

What can be said with certainty is that God blessed the efforts of the many reformers and confessors who defended the gospel of Jesus Christ. We today are the beneficiaries of those efforts and that blessing.

Yes. God’s design and will for marriage is that it be a lifelong union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:23-24; Matthew 19:4-6).

In 1 Corinthians 7:7 the apostle Paul speaks of the gift of self-control that God gave him. That gift enabled him to remain single and chaste. Christians today can have that gift from God.

God certainly knows who will marry or remain single, but he allows people to make those choices in life.

By merely deciding to marry, a person will not be guilty of sin. 1 Corinthians 7 explains that Christians are free to marry or not marry.

I am addressing this question with the understanding that the spouse of your family member created the reason for the divorce because of his or her sin.

While God established marriage (Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:4-6) and permits divorce for unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), our government regulates marriage and divorce. Unfaithfulness and desertion can break the bond of marriage, but a dissolution of marriage is required to end the marriage legally.

Your family member would do well to recognize the role of government in divorce and to act appropriately. In addition, your family member will want to keep in mind how his or her actions can affect others. Entering into a new relationship before the divorce is final could certainly raise questions in people’s minds.

It looks like the Christian church submitting to Christ.

Many people today see the word “submit” suggesting a relationship in which one person dominates the other. One person is seen to be in power, while the other is seen in a subservient role.

When the Bible directs people to submit, there is nothing degrading, demeaning or insulting about that instruction. Scripture tells Christians: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Then, God says: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). The model of the Christian Church submitting to the leadership of Christ is the model for Christian women submitting to their husbands.

In addition, the relationship between Jesus and the Church provides the model for the way husbands are to treat their wives: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Husbands are to have a sacrificial love for their wives. And so it is to a loving leader (Ephesians 5:23) that a Christian wife submits.

In an upcoming “Light for our path” column in Forward in Christ I will be explaining more about what a submissive wife in a Christian marriage looks like.

Polygamy is a sinful deviation from God’s design that marriage be between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:20-24; Matthew 19:4-6; Romans 7:2-3; 1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:6). The fact that God did not intervene in people’s lives when they went beyond his design and will does not equate to approval on his part. The biblical narratives of those people who went beyond “one man, one woman” paint a home life marred by strife and troubles. Those narratives illustrate how God’s ways are always best—including what he says about his institution of marriage.

While God established marriage (Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:4-6), society regulates marriage through its government.

As state governments regulate marriage through the issuance of marriage licenses, we render obedience to the government (Romans 13:1-7) by obtaining marriage licenses. A “religious commitment ceremony” needs the accompanying legal documentation required by our government.

To me, your words reflect unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15) on the part of the man. Such actions are biblical grounds for divorce.

As this question and answer forum is not suited to provide the spiritual care and support you need, I encourage you to contact your pastor and speak to him. If, for whatever reason, you do not see yourself being able to speak to your pastor about this, consider using the counseling resources available from Christian Family Solutions, a WELS-affiliated ministry. In addition to face-to-face counseling, they also offer video counseling. God bless you.

There is no scriptural prohibition for our pastors to date or marry a woman who belongs to the congregation where he preaches. (That was actually my father and mother’s situation.)

What both parties will want to recognize is the potential for awkwardness if the relationship does not lead to marriage.

Questions of divorce and remarriage are handled best by the parish pastors who know the circumstances of the divorce that took place along with the attitudes of the people involved. With that in mind, I would direct you to speak to your pastor about this.

It is likely that your pastor could conduct the wedding service at a venue other than your church. You will want to contact your pastor and explain the venue you have in mind. He can then respond to your plans. God’s blessings on your wedding!

Biblical instructions regarding rebuke are applicable to husbands and wives. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over” (Matthew 18:15). “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3).

It is certainly fitting that in a home where a husband and a wife exercise their Christian faith, confession and absolution take place. Because the marriage relationship is built on selflessness, it would seem that any resulting “discipline” would be mutually agreed upon.

Very likely, what you were reading about “rightful” or “proper” or “valid” betrothal was referring to the way in which a man and a woman committed themselves to marrying each other. What characterized such a betrothal was that there was no coercion involved: the man and the woman committed themselves to each other willingly. Additionally, there was parental knowledge and consent of the relationship. In that way, there was nothing secret about the marriage plans.

Because modern engagement differs from betrothal practices of the past, you will find changes in teaching on the subject.

A nice source that reviews this subject matter is a Concordia Publishing House product from 1959: Engagement and Marriage: a sociological, historical, and theological investigation of engagement and marriage.

On a related note, the December 2018 “Light for our path” column in Forward in Christ will feature a question about biblical betrothal.

In the early part of world history, marriage between people who were related in some close way was inevitable. As time progressed and world population grew, God regulated marriage for his Old Testament people of Israel. In the Sinaitic Covenant, God forbade marriages between close relatives (Leviticus 18-20). That took place some 300 years after Abraham.

For people of God in New Testament times, people who are not bound by Old Testament civil laws, we recognize our obedience to the civil laws which are established by governments (Romans 13:1-7). That includes laws that regulate marriage between people who are related by birth.

Ancient Roman laws forbade certain relatives from marrying one another (1 Corinthians 5:1, for example). Similarly, governmental laws today place restrictions on those who want to marry. In our country, these laws vary from state to state.

The section of the Augsburg Confession you cited does speak of the freedom people have to marry or not to marry. 1 Timothy 5:9-12 addresses instructions the apostle Paul gave to Timothy regarding the support of widows. There is no prohibition for widows to remarry. Verse 14 makes that clear. These verses of 1 Timothy 5 and the section from the Augsburg Confession you cited are in agreement.

You really want to speak to your pastor about this—and very soon. He is in a position to listen to you (and your husband) explain what happened and then counsel you on the basis of God’s word.

If, for whatever reason, speaking with your pastor cannot take place soon, you could consider another resource. Christian Family Solutions, an agency within WELS, offers counseling: both in-person and video counseling from the privacy of your home. This link will provide you with more information.

Communication is vitally important at this point. I pray that you and your husband are able to exercise patience, wisdom and love as you address some very serious matters. God bless you.

State laws determine who can officiate at weddings. You will want to understand what the laws of your state are in this regard.

It goes without saying that if your cousin officiates at the wedding, good order in the church (1 Corinthians 14:40) means involving the pastor(s) of your congregation in the discussion and decision of this matter.

Yes, our pastors can officiate at a wedding in the scenario you described.

Our pastors especially look forward to offering pre-marital counseling to the individuals planning to be married, involving them in discussions on, among other topics, the challenges that their different church affiliations can bring to their marriage.

If you have more specific questions, please contact one of our pastors.

Yes. There are no biblical fellowship principles involved with the scenario you present. The individual is not leading or conducting any part of the worship service.

Ideally, the individual will benefit from hearing the word of God and its focus on Jesus Christ as Savior.

There may be a specific situation behind your questions, but I am not aware of it. Because of that, I can offer only a general response.

The Bible defines marriage as the union between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). Governments might define marriage differently and regulate it with laws, but marriage in God’s eyes follows the directives of his word.

“Legitimate sexual activity” is that which takes place in marriage—as God, in the Bible, defines marriage.

The Bible does not provide instructions or directives on the location where a marriage is legally established. This is yet another area in life where there is Christian freedom.

Certainly, a God-pleasing course of action that many Christians choose is having a marriage service take place in church. The house of the Lord is where God’s people gather regularly to hear his word and offer him their prayers and praises. The house of the Lord is a fitting place where marriage, one of God’s gifts, can be “consecrated by the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy 4:5).

Ultimately, the venue of a wedding is not the most important matter. What is all-important is understanding what the Bible says about marriage. It is the lifelong union between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6).

This is a question you will want to address to your pastor. While I can try to provide responses to many different kinds of questions, yours is one that requires a level of pastoral counseling. It will be helpful for your pastor to provide him with much more information than I have here. I encourage you to contact your pastor.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. It is wonderful to hear of your desire to have your wedding in your home church.

There are of course no Bible passages that specifically state “which kind of music is allowed in a church.” What we want to do is understand what the Bible says about worshiping the Lord with fellow believers and then make appropriate applications to our lives.

To begin with, it goes without saying that God is the focus of our worship services (Psalm 115:1). That is true whether we are thinking of a regular worship service or a special worship service such as a funeral or a wedding. If God is not the focus of those special worship services, then a funeral is filled with eulogies and a wedding is all about the bride and groom, and the music can very well reflect that. On the other hand, when God is the focus of all our worship services, then the music involved will give evidence of that truth.

Ephesians 5:19-20 states: “Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” The music that fills our worship services is directed to God. It is thankfulness to God, especially for the gift of his Son, that forms the main content of our worship and music (Psalm 95:2). Music in a wedding worship service that focuses exclusively on human relationships can easily distract from worship’s main purpose of glorifying God.

1 Corinthians 14:40 adds the thought that all things in a worship service are to be done “in a fitting and orderly way.” We can arrive at appropriate musical selections for a wedding worship service by asking and answering the question: “What is fitting?”

Your question is an important one. I am glad you asked it. Your question is one that your pastor will address in pre-marital counseling with you and your fiancé. He will be glad to explain what music is appropriate for the worship service that will be your wedding. God’s blessings to you and your fiancé.

God designed sexual relations for the marriage bond (Hebrews 13:4). The verse that you cited from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount speaks of sinful thoughts toward a person who is not part of the marriage bond.

With your questions in mind, it could happen that a person’s thoughts of his or her spouse could distort God’s design for marriage, in that the person views his or her spouse simply as a sex object. 1 Corinthians 7 teaches how husbands and wives are to view each other and themselves when it comes to their sexual lives. As in other areas of married life, selflessness is the key: we put others first in life.

I have to say that you would be better served by asking specific questions of one of our pastors. That face-to-face forum would enable you to provide context and additional information for your questions.

What I can do is pass along general information on some of the issues you mentioned. This information is from The Shepherd Under Christ: A Textbook for Pastoral Theology.

“Inherent in a valid promise [marriage vow] is that it is given willingly. Although Scripture does not address itself to this point directly, it is evident that the leaving of father and mother and cleaving to one’s spouse according to Genesis 2:24 is a voluntary action. Rebekah was asked about her willingness to leave her homeland and family in order to marry Isaac (Gn 24:58). A pastor will not solemnize a marriage where coercion is in evidence. State laws permit an annulment of a marriage if force or coercion were present at the time of the marriage ‘unless the marriage has been confirmed by the acts of the injured party.’ Whoever subsequent to the coercion that forced him into a marriage practices marital privileges voluntarily is viewed as thereby giving his willing consent. What constitutes coercion the state laws may well determine. When coercion can be proved, the church too can acknowledge this as evidence that no valid marriage bond came into existence.

“Deception, or fraud, is an impediment to a valid marriage promise. Such deception may involve the essence of marriage itself (e.g., known impotence or known sterility) or related matters (e.g., claiming a particular social or financial status). What turns out to be a mistaken judgment about a spouse’s wealth or beauty or desirable qualities cannot subsequently be called fraud.

“…Since fraud used in securing a promise nullifies one’s obligation to it, state laws permit the annulment of marriages that came into existence through deception. The church may acknowledge such an annulment without expressly requiring it. Continued voluntary practice of marital rights after discovering the fraud validates the marriage vows and removes the right to annulment.” (Pages 268-269)

Again, your best course of action would be to ask one of our pastors to respond to your specific questions.

Questions like this are best answered by parish pastors who know more details of the individuals involved than I do.

What I can say in a general way is that a Christian whose marriage was broken by the unfaithfulness of the other spouse, and divorce took place, is not forbidden to remarry.

The spouse who committed adultery has already sinned against God and the other spouse. Repentance is the course of action for that person (Mark 1:15; Luke 13:3; Acts 17:30).

As far as state laws are concerned, filing for divorce is an option for the spouse who committed adultery. When it comes to that spouse’s spiritual life, however, that course of action would only be making matters worse.

The situation you describe certainly calls for pastoral counseling for the couple in question.

There is no church stance on this matter, nor does the Bible speak to this. This is a matter of Christian freedom. God’s blessings to your daughter and her fiancé!

While God established marriage (Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:4-6) and permits divorce for unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), our government regulates marriage and divorce. Unfaithfulness and desertion can break the bond of marriage, but a dissolution of marriage is required to end the marriage legally.

In addition, a person in the situation you described will want to keep in mind how his or her actions can affect others. Entering into a new relationship before the divorce is final could certainly raise questions in people’s minds.

Because I do not know the circumstances of the divorce in question, pastoral counseling is certainly appropriate and recommended.

There is no official synodical position to which I can point you regarding this.

Since governments regulate marriage, governments also stipulate who can—as agents of the government—officiate at weddings. Regulations vary from state to state. Ordination is not always a requirement. Be aware that online ordination is often a caricature of what ordination into the public ministry really is.

If your son were to take the place of an ordained pastor in officiating at the wedding of his friend, I wonder who would provide biblical pre-marital counseling for the prospective bride and groom. That counseling is so very important. Perhaps your pastor can provide guidance in this matter.

This is something you can talk about with the pastor who will be officiating at your wedding. I do not know if you are familiar with the promises that are listed in the order of “Christian Marriage” in Christian Worship: A Lutheran Hymnal (pages 140-141), but those promises are most certainly based on Scripture. I encourage you to look at those promises and then speak to the pastor who will be officiating at your wedding.

The essential part of marriage is the commitment of a man to a woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). If marriage were simply a private commitment between two people, then a commitment ceremony could celebrate their actions, but marriage is also a contract between a man and a woman. It is a contract in the sense that governments regulate the commitment between a man and a woman through marriage licenses. Two people who have participated in a commitment ceremony and are living together without being legally married are fooling themselves but not God.

When two people of the opposite sex—regardless of age—live together without the benefit of marriage, they are in a position of causing offense to others (Matthew 18:6-7) and emboldening others to follow their example. In addition, their lives are not in line with what God says: that “among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3). Christians who have long been on the receiving end of God’s goodness are especially responsible for setting good examples for others (Luke 12:48).

It is sad when people prioritize financial concerns over doing what God says in his word. It is also sad when people do not give God opportunities to carry out his promises in their lives. After all, Jesus promised: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). “These things” that Jesus promised are the necessities of life: food and clothing (Matthew 6:31). God operates with his own mathematical and economic system as his children live their lives in trusting obedience of his will.

Continue to help your sister with your prayers and your Christian witnessing.

God’s design for marriage is that it is the life-long union of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6).

Engagement is the promise to marry another person. Marriage involves the legal commitment of a man and a woman to each other that is regulated by the government. Engagement is not marriage.

It is easy for people to conclude—wrongly—that engagement and marriage are the same when they look at the biblical account of Joseph and Mary (Matthew 1:18-25). At one point in time, “Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph” (Matthew 1:18). This is not speaking of the practice of engagement that we have. Joseph and Mary had given each other their word, by means of signed papers, that they would become husband and wife. That action legally established the marriage. That explains why Joseph had thoughts of “divorcing” (Matthew 1:19) Mary when he first learned of her pregnancy.

While Joseph and Mary were legally married by the signing of legal papers, they did not have the right to live together as husband and wife until the time of the public wedding celebration that took place days later.

The customs and legal nuances of marriage in first century Palestine were quite different from our practice of engagement.

I can provide you with this statement from our church body:

“The Bible teaches that marriage was established and given by God at the time of creation. As he designed and instituted it, marriage is the life-long union of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6). It is a relationship that is to be honored and kept pure (Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 5:22-33). As a man and woman promise life-long faithfulness to each other as husband and wife, God himself joins them as one. Marriage is not simply a contract between two consenting individuals, nor is it merely a creation of human society, culture, or tradition. God himself instituted marriage at the time of creation, and God himself joins a man and woman in marriage today.

“The biblical teaching on marriage emphasizes the blessings God intends to convey to those joined together in the marital relationship. Through marriage God provides partners well suited and complementary to one another. In marriage, God provides a partner who will provide encouragement and support. Marriage is also to be the God-ordained means to procreate and to establish a stable environment in which children can be nurtured both physically and spiritually. Marriage is the one context God intended for the use of the blessing of sexual intimacy, where the sexual union of one man and woman is an expression of love and oneness rather than a sinful satisfaction of lust. Finally, since we live in a fallen world, in marriage God provides a restraint for selfishness and sin as each partner strives to live the pure life that God intends for his people (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8).

“This is the Bible’s teaching about the origin, definition, and nature of marriage. For that reason it is also the doctrine of the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod. Every congregation and called worker accepts the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments as the written Word of God and the only rule and norm of faith and practice. That marriage is the God-ordained union of one man and one woman is the clear teaching of the Bible, and therefore is the teaching and confession of the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod.

“We believe that marriage is the sacred, life-long union between one man and one woman. Therefore, our pastors will not officiate in any marriage ceremony or celebration and our church sanctuary may not be used for any activities related to a marriage ceremony or celebration that is inconsistent with these beliefs.”

I invite you to speak in person to any of our pastors to follow up on this statement and understand better what the Bible teaches about marriage.

While in many cases Baptism establishes membership in a visible church, we want to keep in mind that the saving faith worked in a child through Baptism establishes membership in the Holy Christian Church, the communion of saints. Because of that truth, a person is not baptized “Lutheran” or “Roman Catholic.” The saving faith worked in a child through Baptism bestows the title “Christian.” The question that your daughter and son-in-law face is one that concerns the spiritual instruction of their child.

Obviously, it would have been better for your daughter and son-in-law to come to an agreement—before their marriage—on how they were going to raise their children. If they have not had a conversation comparing their churches’ teachings to the Bible, now would be a good time. Your daughter could use This We Believe, a statement of belief of WELS, and go through it with her husband. Both will be able to read the Bible passages that explain our church body’s statement of belief. Both could do the same thing with materials from your son-in-law’s church.

The subject matter I hope your daughter and son-in-law would spend the most time on is salvation. What does each church teach about people enjoying salvation? What does the Bible teach?

The Bible teaches that God saved us because of his mercy; our works do not contribute to our salvation (Romans 3:28; 4:5; Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:5-7). This is what your daughter’s church teaches. The official teaching of salvation from your son-in-law’s church is quite different and not biblical.

I would encourage your daughter to speak to her pastor about this matter. One of the resources he could offer your son-in-law is a no-strings-attached Bible Information Class to learn firsthand what the Bible teaches on a variety of subjects.

I wish you all well and pray for a peaceful resolution to this situation.

The imagery in the Bible is that Jesus Christ is the bridegroom and the Christian Church is his bride (Hosea 2:19-20; 2 Corinthians 11:2; Ephesians 5:25-27; Revelation 19:7-8; 21:9-10).

Ephesians 5:22-33 uses the union between Jesus and the Church as the pattern for marriage between a man and a woman.

I commend you for having such wonderful priorities when it comes to wedding planning. You recognize very well that wedding service and reception details are important, but a lifelong marriage is much more important.

Pre-marital counseling from your pastor can help maintain your spiritual priorities during the busyness of wedding planning. In addition, reading and discussing the Bible with the one you will marry can help keep your spiritual focus.

Besides Bible reading, you might consider the following books: Marriage and Family, Building the Christian Home, and Growing Together in Christ. All are available from Northwestern Publishing House.

God bless you and your future marriage!

God designed sexual activity to take place in marriage. The Bible does not provide detail regarding the sexual activity that takes place between a man and a wife. Certainly, the attitude of selflessness and consideration of the other spouse (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) will shape a marriage’s sexual activity.

The Bible is very clear regarding the subject of sexual activity outside marriage. The Bible condemns such activity (Hebrews 13:4).

I am sorry to hear about your wife’s actions and how your life has been affected.

If leaving the church means that your wife is no longer a member of your congregation, that means that your wife has removed herself from the discipline of your church and the authority of your pastor (Matthew 18:15-20).

Your pastor can certainly speak to your wife as he has opportunity but, because the pastor-member relationship no longer exists, his influence on her life has greatly diminished. It is much easier now for your wife to decline an invitation to speak with your pastor.

Your situation calls for Christian counseling. I hope you are in contact with your pastor. Do pass your concerns along to him. You can certainly ask your pastor to try to speak to your wife. Those who know of your situation can definitely pray for you and your wife. God bless you.

You will want to ask your fiance’s pastor that question.  Officiating at a wedding in a rented facility, even another church, does not in and of itself violate scriptural fellowship principles.  Including officiants and/or worship leaders from that church would violate scriptural fellowship principles (Romans 16:17).  Do talk with your fiance’s pastor.  He will also be glad to explain to you the doctrinal differences between your church and your fiance’s church.

The situation as you have described it would not illustrate accurately the practices of our churches. I would like to think that you and I do not have all the information about this situation.

There is a time when we “tell it to the church” (Matthew 18:17). Those words are in the context of Jesus explaining what his followers are to do when they lovingly confront sin and impenitence in the life of a fellow Christian. That action comes about after individual and small group contacts with the impenitent person result in a continued denial or defense of sin.

But “telling it to the church” is more purposeful than sharing information. Additional people in the church—those in church leadership positions—are informed of the person’s sin and impenitent attitudes. That is done to add more voices to the call for repentance. “Telling it to the church” finally can materialize in a church voters’ assembly meeting, to which the impenitent person is invited to attend to explain his or her actions and attitudes, and at which a vote of excommunication might take place.

If your friend’s spouse has abandoned her, and he is a member of the congregation, the pastor will want to speak to him about his sinful actions with Matthew 18 in mind. At the same time, the pastor will seek to minister to your friend, providing scriptural guidance.

Again, I can only wonder if you and I are missing information about this situation. Speaking to your friend might help clarify matters.

At two points in the history of the world God spoke to people and instructed them to “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28; 9:1,7).  It was to Adam and Eve and also to Noah and his family that God gave those instructions.  It is important to recognize how God prefaced those instructions.  To both sets of people, God “blessed them.”  That sets the tone for a biblical view of children:  they are blessings from God.

In Psalm 127:3-5 King Solomon described children as blessings:  “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”

The language of the Bible is that children are blessings from God.  God wants husbands and wives to look upon children as blessings.  Not inconveniences on a lifestyle.  Not drains on personal income.  Not barriers to career goals.  Blessings.  If husbands and wives do not wish to receive these blessings from God, they will need to examine their motives.  Are their motives good and godly?  Are their motives in line with God’s word?  These are questions that husbands and wives need to address, and answer in unison.

Your answers to those questions are not available to me, so to prevent any more “turmoil” in your marriage, I would encourage you and your husband to speak with your pastors, since they were involved in your pre-marital counseling.  They are in a position to explain and clarify the scriptural guidance they provided before your wedding.

May God grant you and your husband peace, unity and steadfast love as you work through this important matter.

No, that is not the meaning of that verse. Many Bible translations fail to capture the intended meaning of that particular point of Jesus’ sermon on the mount. In “A Study of Marriage, Divorce, Malicious Desertion, and Remarriage in the Light of God’s Word,” a document recently updated by our Conference of Presidents, there is a suggested translation of Matthew 5:32 that more accurately reflects the Greek verbs. “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce,’ but I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to be stigmatized as an adulteress, and whoever marries a divorced woman is stigmatized as an adulterer.”

The point of the verse is that if a man sinfully divorces his wife for unscriptural reasons, his wife, who was not responsible for that sinful divorce, can appear to others to be guilty of wrongdoing simply because her marriage came to an end. That “guilt by association” perception could then unfortunately also extend to the husband of her remarriage.

If a husband divorced his wife for unscriptural reasons, that would not preclude the woman from entering into another marriage.

Since governments regulate marriage, governments also stipulate who can—as agents of the government—officiate at weddings. Regulations vary from state to state. Ordination is not always a requirement.

It does look like you gave your friend accurate information. You could simply supply the scriptural support for why women are not to be ordained clergy: 1 Corinthians 11:3; 14:33-35; 1 Timothy 2:11-12.

Your friend stated to you that she wishes to officiate at her brother’s wedding because of a desire to “minister” to her unchurched brother and fiancée. While that might be a noble goal, a pastor would be in a much better position to minister to a couple like that by offering biblical pre-marital counseling and then officiating at their wedding.

I wish you well in your conversations with your friend and pray for God’s blessings on them.

It is not wrong in that it is sinful. Sometimes people point to 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”) as God’s prohibition of marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. The context, however, is not about marriage. Without condemnation of any kind, 1 Peter 3:1-2 addresses Christian women who are married to unbelieving men.

Rather than labeling such a marriage as “foolish,” I would say that a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian is going to be set up for many challenges. The Christian spouse will need to recognize that in that particular marriage, “two will become one” in many ways but not in the most important way. If the Christian spouse is not going to compromise the faith, he or she will need to face the fact that the unbelieving spouse will spend eternity in a different place, unless God the Holy Spirit changes the spouse’s heart.

That lack of unity in the faith can pose problems when it comes to devoting time to worshiping the Lord in church, giving back part of one’s income to the Lord, deciding how to raise children spiritually—just to name a few issues.

On the other hand, what a great blessing there is when a man and a woman can be “one” in marriage in the most important way: when they are fellow members of the family of God. Such a marriage is not exempt from problems, but it has a wonderful foundation because it is built on the love of God in Christ.

There is important information I do not know regarding your question. Who filed for the divorce? Is reconciliation with the former spouse at all possible? What has been the attitude of this family member toward the dissolution of her marriage? Is repentance part of the picture? What might be appropriate fruits of repentance?

You would do well to present your question, along with all the information I do not have, to your pastor. He is in a much better situation than I to have a clear picture of the circumstances and offer a biblically-based response.

Considering your family member’s church membership and the false teachings to which she is exposed, keep pointing her to what the Bible teaches regarding repentance, forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ and baptism. God bless your efforts!

People make those choices.  God certainly knows what choices people are going to make, but people are free to marry or not marry (1 Corinthians 7).  If they wish to marry, it will be their choice—and of course their spouse’s choice.

If it were a matter of God choosing a spouse for a person, determining who that person is would be terrifically challenging and frustrating.  And, finally, how would we know for certain that person was God’s choice?  We know God’s will when he reveals it us in his word.  When God does not reveal his will regarding individual decisions like whom to marry, or whether to marry at all, people make choices and ask God to bless them.

That is why single Christians who wish to marry will ask God to bless their endeavors to find a godly spouse.  And a Christian will regard his or her spouse as one of God’s gifts (Proverbs 18:22), freely given.

You did well in encouraging them to speak to their pastor.  He is in a position to minister to them, using Scripture to offer rebuke, comfort and guidance.

No doubt, you are praying for your friend and her husband.  Keep doing that.  Ask that the Lord work through his word in the heart of the husband so that he loves his wife, “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  Pray that the husband confesses his sinful attitudes and words toward his wife, receives forgiveness in faith and then treats his wife with love and respect as a fellow member of God’s family (1 Peter 3:7).

Finally, continue to support your friend by being a good listener.  At the same, recognize what you can and cannot do when it comes to improving her marriage.  God bless all your efforts!

Beyond physically deserting a spouse, the Bible does not specifically list other ways in which malicious desertion can take place (I Corinthians 7:15).  As malicious desertion is characterized by sins that are unilateral, willful and permanent, it could take the form of physical or emotional abuse, refusal to have sexual relations with one’s spouse, or refusal to support the spouse financially.  Because of the complexities of relationships, Christian discernment and pastoral counseling are essential when it comes to determining malicious desertion.

I’m glad to hear of your enjoyment of Forward in Christ.  Yes, there is another magazine by the same title.  And, as you noticed, there is no connection between the two.

The portion of the answer that you quoted explains in general what forms “malicious desertion” can take, including “refusal to support the spouse financially.” It would not be wise or practical for me to try to get into the specifics of your situation. This forum cannot substitute for counseling with one’s pastor. So, I encourage you to speak to your pastor. He is in a much better position than I to counsel you and your husband on the basis of God’s word. I pray that God will bless your family with his peace and love.

I am not able to answer your question because, as you indicated, there are “more details to the whole situation.”  Malicious desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15) can take the form of abusive behavior.  Your pastor is best suited to answer your question.  More than that, he is in a position to minister to you and your wife—using God’s law to expose sin and using God’s gospel to bring the comfort of the forgiveness of sins when sins are confessed.  I pray that God will bring help and healing to you and your wife.

I am truly sorry to hear about the abusive situation you experienced.  Hopefully you are talking to trusted counselors about your family life.

As you asked about church body’s view on divorce, I can pass along this statement that you will find elsewhere on this website:  “The Bible and Lutherans teach that marriage is the union of one man and one woman. It is a partnership in which the man is the loving head. Marriage is established by God. It is a holy relationship not to be broken. A married person sins if he or she divorces without a biblical reason. Before God, no divorce is valid except in cases of fornication or desertion. The tendency to consider marriage as unimportant results in great harm to the family, the church, and the nation.  Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:24,25; Hebrews 13:4; Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15; Psalm 51:10”

God help you to find healing and strength through the precious gospel of Jesus Christ.

Beyond physically deserting a spouse, the Bible does not specifically list other ways in which malicious desertion can take place (I Corinthians 7:15).  As malicious desertion is characterized by sins that are unilateral, willful and permanent, it could take the form of physical or emotional abuse, refusal to have sexual relations with one’s spouse, or refusal to support the spouse financially.  Because of the complexities of relationships, Christian discernment and pastoral counseling are essential when it comes to determining malicious desertion.

I do not know what prompted your question, but in an attempt to give an adequate answer, I will stress three things: First of all, divorce does involve or give evidence of sin, real sin, on the part of one or both of the marriage partners seeking the divorce. God’s revealed will and desire is that marriages be lifelong.

Second, the sin or sins normally connected with a divorce are certainly forgivable. Christ paid for all sin and God delights in pardoning all sinners. The personal enjoyment of forgiveness, of course, assumes that the sinner is brought to repentance and thus takes both the sin and the work of the Savior seriously. Only a lack of repentance and a willful despising of the gracious working of the Holy Spirit in unbelief fit the “unforgivable sin” category.

Third, some have been observed saying that, despite all this, divorce is sometimes treated as though it were unforgivable. This may stem in part from pastors and spiritual leaders striving to stress the seriousness of this sin coupled with its epidemic spread in our society. There are seldom any real winners, only losers, in a divorce. This may also stem from the popularity of what has been called “planned repentance” in divorce cases. This means that people willfully and wrongly seek a divorce with the conscious plan of “repenting” afterward, after the deed is done. Biblically speaking, that is not the pattern of true repentance. “Repentance” that is humanly planned and produced is not the real thing and is not accompanied by forgiveness.

In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul expressed gratitude that God had gifted him with the ability to have self-control in sexual matters and not “burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9).  For that reason, Paul explained that the single life suited him well.  For others who did not have that gift of self-control, he saw the benefit of marriage, furnishing opportunities for sexual intimacy to take place without sin being involved.

Do you have that gift, you wonder?  You have to ask yourself how content you are with your present circumstances.  You have to ask yourself to what extent, if any, sexual temptations confront you and how you deal with them.  The apostle Paul made it clear that the single life he experienced was not for everyone.  For those who do not have self-control in sexual matters, he advised marriage.

There is so much about your situation that I do not know—your age being one of the most important pieces of information.  I say this only for information’s sake:  I know individuals who did not marry until later in life—some in their 50s.  They were content with their lives apart from marriage and were not going to marry just for the sake of being married.  I commend them for that attitude.  When we recognize that God’s design for marriage is to be a lifelong union, we do best in being very deliberate in how we approach it.

Your questions definitely deserve a fuller and more personal response.  For that reason I would encourage you to speak to your pastor about these matters.  God bless you.

The simplest answer is: “No.”

Yes, Scripture speaks of the husband as the head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23), but that is vastly different from what is often meant when we speak of a “boss” in our culture.

In what way?

Is the man as head more important than his wife, on the top position on the totem pole of important people in the family? No. A Christlike head knows that in importance before God, there is no difference between male and female since both are equally redeemed and valued in the blood of Christ (Galatians 3:26-29).

Is the man as head able to make sure that what happens around the house is what he wants to happen, regardless of the wishes of his wife? Is he the “king of his castle?” No. A Christlike head knows that he is not called to lord it over or dominate his wife, but he is called to love and serve her as Christ loved the church—making her needs and concerns his first priority, just as Christ did for us (Mark 10:42-45; Ephesians 5:25-28).

Headship in Scripture is, at its heart, humble leadership that has as its prime concern the spiritual and physical welfare of all others whom God has placed in that head’s care. Headship is not perk and privilege; it is an awesome responsibility to be God’s representative in caring for others. Yes, there is a bit of Christ’s authority whenever God gives someone such a position of responsibility, yet that authority is not to be used as a club or a threat. That authority is a solemn trust from God to be used for the benefit of those in our care. It is a trust that needs to be exercised wisely as those who will give an account to God for the trust he placed in us as his representatives.

Where we fail in that, we run to Christ’s forgiveness. There at his cross, we find the strength of his grace to live out this awesome responsibility of being representatives of his selfless love in our homes.

One last thought: please notice that in Ephesians 5 Paul does not address husbands about being the head. He does not tell them to make their wives submit! He speaks instead to wives and urges them to respect their husband’s headship. When Paul does speak to husbands, what does he say? He speaks of sacrificial love patterned after Christ. As husbands, we have more than enough to concentrate on right there. If we carry out that self-sacrificing love well for the spiritual and physical needs of our wives, we will have carried out headship well.

The Bible says nothing at all about the place (church or courthouse) or officiant (pastor or judge) for the establishment of a marriage. This is fully in the realm of Christian freedom and therefore subject only to Christian love, wisdom and discernment, and a concern for how other believers might perceive it (in case the weak might stumble spiritually and misunderstand). Marriage is really a civil matter, but Christians usually want to have the Word of God and prayer prominent at the occasion. So clergy (authorized by the civil authorities to perform weddings) and churches serve them.

The mention of elopement and civil weddings often causes the subject of motives and circumstances to surface. These deserve the attention of every bride and groom and their respective families. Are they avoiding church and God’s Word for a particular reason? Are they honoring their parents or hiding something from them? These and other similar questions are deserving of attention. But assuming that Christian faith, hope, and love are present and accounted for, civil marriages are just fine. And a later “consecration of civil marriage” can be done and will likely be appreciated by all Christians involved.

Yes, the pastors of our churches preach against racism and they preach on the topic of marriage.  Sermon texts have different focuses and our pastors preach on the basis of the content of the sermon texts.

Our pastors preach that God’s will is:  “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).  Racism runs contrary to that command.  Our pastors preach that God instituted marriage and that marriage is to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:21-24; Matthew 19:3-6).  There are no scriptural prohibitions of interracial marriage.

What our pastors preach and what some church members may think are not necessarily the same.  That seems to be your situation and that is unfortunate.  All I can really do from a distance is encourage you to reach out to your family and see if you can re-establish lines of communication.  If they really have sinful attitudes, that needs to be addressed.  Perhaps enlisting a friend, another family member or their pastor would be helpful in getting the conversation started.  I wish you and your family well.

In the Lutheran Church there is no provision for an ecclesiastical or theological annulment of marriage. This means that we do not recognize any Biblical basis for declaring that a marriage that took place never really existed, theologically speaking. Roman Catholic marriage annulments are based on church laws and decrees, not the Bible. We do well, however, to distinguish a “theological” annulment from a legal, civil annulment. A civil annulment is part of the laws of the state in which you live and those rules are distinct and clear. A civil annulment declares that while a marriage took place, it was illegal and will not be recognized as valid. If an already married person gets married to another spouse — that is, when bigamy results, — the second marriage is declared illegal and void.

A formal separation, whether established legally or merely agreed upon by the partners, is a legitimate action as described and with the purposes stated by you. 1 Corinthians 7:5 establishes that kind of pattern, although with a distinctly different purpose (to devote yourselves to prayer) and also with the reminder that separations may bring with them other pressures (unfulfilled sexual urges). To seek a formal separation by mutual consent as described by you cannot be classified as wrong. But this should be done carefully, cautiously, with ongoing appraisals of the situation, and renewed resolve to deal with issues in anticipation of reunion. Pastoral counseling and perhaps other professional supervision is advised.

The order of “Christian Marriage” in Christian Worship: A Lutheran Hymnal contains this preface to the marriage promises made by the bride and groom:

“The pattern for Christian marriage is the intimate union of Christ and his church, which the apostle Paul depicts in Ephesians 5. After urging believers to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,’ he makes this application for Christian spouses: ‘Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.’ It is reverence for Christ on the part of husband and wife that lays the foundation for Christian marriage.”

The wording of the marriage promise by the bride is: “_____, will you take _____ to be your husband? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and submit to your husband as the Church submits to Christ? Will you be faithful to him, cherish him, support him, and help him in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?’ If so, answer, ‘I will.’”

The word “submit” can be greatly misunderstood. It can seem that it is demeaning, degrading and insulting to submit to another person. That misunderstanding is removed when we keep in mind the context of God’s instructions for Christian wives: “As the church submits to Christ…” There is nothing demeaning, degrading or insulting when we, the members of the Christian Church, submit to Christ. Submitting to him means we have an attitude of recognizing his loving leadership in our lives.

And, just to complete the picture, the husband is asked in his marriage promise: “_____, will you take _____ to be your wife? Will you guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and love your wife as Christ loved the Church? Will you be faithful to her, cherish her, support her, and help her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, ‘I will.’” The husband to whom the wife submits is promising that his love for his wife will be like that of Christ’s: sacrificial.

It is clear that the marriage promises between husband and wife are based on the loving relationship between Jesus Christ and the Christian Church.

The WELS church where your marriage service could take place may use this order of service, with this wording, or it might utilize something similar. You would want to contact the pastor of that church regarding the order of service and the wording of the marriage promises.

God designed sexual relations for the marriage bond (Hebrews 13:4). Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount speak of sinful thoughts toward someone who is not part of the marriage bond.

With your question in mind, it could happen that a person’s thoughts of his/her spouse could distort God’s design for marriage, in that the person looks upon the spouse as a sex object. 1 Corinthians 7 tells husbands and wives how to view each other and themselves when it comes to their sexual lives.

A couple of Bible sections come to mind. “’In your anger do not sin’”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-27). “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).  This last section would especially have application if the sleeping arrangements you described are frequent.

Relocating to a different part of the house may temporarily suspend the arguments, but it is honest conversation between husband and wife that will lead to resolution. Continue to do what you can to encourage these people to communicate in their marriage. A suggestion to consider marriage counseling would also have their best interests in mind. God bless your Christian concern.

In the Bible God does not always explain his actions or his inaction. Nor does he have to. Job learned that lesson the hard way. When the Bible narrates events and people’s actions, it does not always do so with commentary on the morality or immorality of the people involved. Sometimes, the reader is left to evaluate the actions using other parts of Scripture.

When it comes to God’s design for marriage, it is clear that marriage is to be the lifelong union of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; Romans 7:2-3; 1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Timothy 3:2; and, Titus 1:6). While not necessarily providing commentary when individuals went beyond that design, the troubles and unhappy home life that resulted from polygamous marriages illustrate the truth: God’s ways are wise and God’s will is the route to happiness in our lives.

The questions you ask and the situations you describe call for pastoral counseling and guidance. A question and answer forum like this cannot replace the personal applications of God’s word that are needed for the scenarios you have described. I encourage you to speak with your pastor.

If you plan to be married in one of our congregations, you want to speak to the pastor of that congregation about your questions that concern the marriage promises. It could be that he uses the order of service from Christian Worship: A Lutheran Hymnal; he might use another order of service.

If he uses the order of service from the hymnal, it becomes very clear what “submit” does and does not mean. The part of the service that precedes the marriage promises states: “The pattern for Christian marriage is the intimate union of Christ and his Church, which the apostle Paul depicts in Ephesians 5. After urging believers to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,’ he makes this application for Christian spouses: ‘Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her.’ It is reverence for Christ on the part of husband and wife that lays the foundation for Christian marriage.”

Those words illustrate what “submit” is all about. In love, Christians—men and women—submit to one another. While our sinful nature can rebel against putting other people first, our new self delights in doing that. In love, Christians—men and women—submit to Christ. Again, while our sinful nature rebels in putting Christ first, our new self delights in doing that. When we submit to Christ, it means that we look to him as our loving leader. Similarly, wives look to their husbands as the loving leader of their marriage. At the same time, God looks for husbands to love their wives with a sacrificial love patterned after Christ’s love for the Church.

As to your last question, when people have a common faith, then they can express their fellowship by praying and worshiping together.

Again, you would do well to address your questions to one of our pastors.

The Bible teaches that marriage is a union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:4-6). The Bible makes it clear that sexual activity is to take place in marriage (Hebrews 13:4) and that sexual activity between people of the same sex is a violation of his will (Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

It is not a sin for a man and a woman to be married to each other because they are in a relationship and institution that God designed. There is no sin when people’s actions line up with God’s will.

I am not sure where you are looking in Scripture to come away with a conclusion that God forbids Christians from marrying outside the faith. It could be 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. People often cite that section of Scripture as proof that Christians are not to marry unbelievers, but it is clear that the context of that section is not speaking about marriage.

Allow me to pass along a “Light for our path” column that addressed a similar question about a year ago in Forward in Christ. The response in that column is much more complete than what I can provide in this question and answer forum.

This link will take you to that column.

If your marriage ends because of your husband’s unfaithfulness and desertion, you would certainly be in a position to date again. There is no set time that would need to transpire between your divorce and dating again.

I can say this: dating quickly after the divorce might raise questions in the minds of others, but then what is “quickly”? That definition is going to vary from one person to another. Your pastor could offer you good counsel on this matter. God’s blessings to you.

If you are asking whether Christian spouses will see each other again in heaven, the answer is “yes” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). If you are asking whether Christian spouses will be married to one another throughout eternity, the answer is “no.” Jesus’ response to the Sadducees’ question makes it very clear that marriage is an institution and gift from God for this life only (Matthew 22:23-33; Mark 12:18-27; Luke 20:27-40).

Your questions about faith are very important, and your concern for family members is commendable.   I can address your questions, and you can then determine what your concern for family leads you to do.

For starters, we want to understand what happens when churches baptize.  A Trinitarian baptism brings a person into the Holy Christian Church.  That says much more than someone was “baptized Catholic” or “baptized Lutheran.”  Baptism brings a person into the Christian Church.

But churches do more than baptize; they teach.  And at some point, baptized individuals are given the opportunity to profess the teachings of the church that has taught them.  Confirmation, for example, is a time when individuals profess that the teachings they have learned from their instruction in the Lutheran Church are the teachings of the Bible and are correct.

Obviously, the teachings of churches differ.  In your question you are referencing the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church.  A key is understanding that the differences between the churches are teachings—doctrines—and not “philosophies.”  A major difference of doctrine is the way of salvation.  Is salvation God’s gift, offered freely through his Son Jesus Christ, and received in faith?  Or, is salvation a combination of faith and works?  Those questions paint a picture of the huge contrast between Lutheran teaching and Roman Catholic teaching.

If a husband and wife hold to these different beliefs, a great unity in marriage is missing.  “Mixed” marriages like that might “work well,” as you indicated, but how so?  Often, they “work well” in that husband and wife are loving toward each, they raise obedient, respectful children and outwardly they have a happy home life.

But marriages like that do not “work well” when it comes to spouses trying to worship and commune together, and providing unified spiritual direction to their children.  What “works” much better is when husband and wife have a common faith and a common membership.

I do not know what your sister and her husband have done to examine the teachings of their churches.  They would benefit greatly from a study and discussion of what each church teaches about the Bible.  There are several books from our publishing house that could assist them in that study.  Keep in mind also that our churches regularly offer no-obligation Bible Information Classes, where people can receive an overview of the Bible’s teachings and answers to their questions.

Those are questions that you need to address to your pastor. I don’t know the struggles and circumstances of your spouse. I don’t know what treatment he is receiving and what his attitude is toward alcoholism. For these and other reasons, I encourage you to speak to your pastor. I pray that God blesses your home with Christian love and peace.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 addresses your question.

As uncomfortable as you might imagine it to be to talk to your pastor about this, I encourage you to speak to him. He has the scriptural resources that are helpful for you and your husband.

If such a conversation is not possible, you might want to consider the counseling services available through Christian Family Solutions, an organization within WELS. In addition to in-person counseling, they also offer video counseling. God bless you and your husband.

A pastor will be interested in meeting with the individuals to apply God’s word to their situation. He will be interested in encouraging repentant attitudes toward sin, delivering the gospel message to penitent sinners and working with them to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8). A pastor will be interested in having the couple recognize the offense their situation can cause others and address how to remove that offense (1 Corinthians 10:32). A pastor is interested in having a man and a woman follow God’s word and the laws of the state before they begin living as husband and wife.

When two people of the opposite sex live together without the benefit of marriage, they put themselves into tempting situations where they can break the sixth commandment. The Bible tells Christians to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). God explains that he “will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). If a man and a woman living together without being married claim to be refraining from sexual activity, they are still in a position of causing offense to others (Matthew 18:6-7) and emboldening them to sin. In addition, their lives are not in line with what God says: that “among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3).

The proliferation of couples living together before marriage definitely presents pastors with ongoing challenges in addressing sin and interacting with the family and friends of those involved. So, pray for pastors. Theirs is a weighty responsibility to warn people about sin (Ezekiel 33:7-9) and to watch over their souls (Acts 20:28).

Our marriage customs and laws today are different from those in biblical days. At one point in time, “Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph” (Matthew 1:18). Joseph and Mary had given each other their word, in signed papers, that they would become husband and wife. That action legally established the marriage. That explains why Joseph had thoughts of “divorcing” (Matthew 1:19) Mary when he first learned of her pregnancy.

While Joseph and Mary were legally married by the signing of legal papers, they did not have the right to live together as husband and wife until the time of the public wedding celebration that took place days later.

You can see that our manner of “engagement and then marriage” is different from the customs and laws of first century Palestine.

When a man and a woman in our country become engaged, they are not legally married. States regulate marriage, and the laws of the state need to be obeyed. Sexual activity between men and women is reserved for marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Sexual activity outside the marriage bond is sinful.

No, as you explain this to me, your marital status would not be an issue in affiliating with a congregation of our synod.

I encourage you to contact one of our pastors to discuss possible routes to membership. God bless you.

Yes, our pastors can officiate at weddings in the scenario you described.

Our pastors would especially look forward to offering pre-marital counseling to the individuals planning to be married, involving them in discussions on, among other topics, the challenges that their different church affiliations can bring to their marriage.

If you have more specific questions, please contact one of our pastors.

WELS does not offer certification to enable individuals to officiate at weddings.

Since governments regulate marriage, governments also stipulate who can—as agents of the government—officiate at weddings. Regulations vary from state to state. Ordination is not always a requirement. You will want to find out the requirements of the state in which you live.

Your concerns about the implications of being certified through an online ordination agency are valid. In short, online ordination is a caricature of what ordination really is.

If you were to take the place of an ordained pastor in officiating at the wedding of your relative, I wonder who would provide biblical pre-marital counseling for the prospective bride and groom. That counseling is so very important. Your pastor can provide guidance in this matter.

If a spouse breaks the marriage bond through unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) or malicious desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), the other spouse is in a position to have a court of law recognize that the marriage bond has been broken.